I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
