You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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