Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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