You smell like stripper and shame
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
