I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
