I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
