No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
