I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
