She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
