can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
