I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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