Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Welp...herpes.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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