It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
