I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
