please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
