Porn is love you can see.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
