i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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