Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
