Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
40s are totally the cure
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
