Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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