I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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