There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
