everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
