Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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