gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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