So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
