from now on my penis is your penis
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
soo... how was my night?
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