so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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