so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
