I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
