HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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