He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
