You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
