guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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