You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
