So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
