my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she smelled like a LAN party
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
