Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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