hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
