Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
