I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
