I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
