You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
