we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
