lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
