im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
love makes seman taste better
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
