worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What a dumb baby whore.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
