i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
