Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
