He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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