Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
