There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
