Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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